Why do we expect them to attribute an angry outburst to a red-flag when they have not been given the tools to identify said red flags? How is it that we expect an individual experiencing abuse to see this clearly when they have no frame of reference when it comes to what a healthy relationship should look like? Some may question why a victim can begin to see the red flags once they’re out of a relationship, but this is a time when the dust settles and when the dust settles, we begin to see things clearer.

The important take-away from this though, is that the only person who chose the abuse is the perpetrator (who chose to inflict it). I hope that this campaign helps people be better informed and so can recognise red flags and leave at the first sign of one. I also hope this campaign helps people recognise healthy behaviours, in order to seek out those who display them and to also practice these healthy behaviours ourselves.

My advice

Trust your gut instinct; your initial feelings toward that person. Respect your own boundaries; please don’t compromise them in order to make someone else feel comfortable. The people who are right for you will respect your boundaries, will consider your feelings, will be someone you can have a healthy disagreement with and they will still care for you even if you haven’t tended to their every need (they shouldn’t expect you to). Take time to get to know yourself, your triggers and reflect on the times you could have done better - this does not make you a bad person; you're learning and growing, we all are! This is where the green flags come into it; encourage yourself and your loved ones to keep working on the things they do well and understand that we can all make mistakes and that is ok too, we can learn from them. Recognise the things you do well and build on them and when you see someone else do well, cheer them on!

See our healthy relationships resources guide here.